Navigating the Holidays After Loss, Finding Light in the Darkness:!
- Nurturer #1
- 34 minutes ago
- 4 min read
The holidays arrive each year like clockwork, with twinkling lights, festive music, and families gathering around tables laden with food and laughter. But when you've lost someone you love, these celebrations can feel less like joy and more like a spotlight on the empty chair, the missing voice, the absence that echoes louder than any holiday song. This blog post was written to help those in need with navigating the holidays after loss.
If this is you, if you're reading this with a heavy heart as Thanksgiving or the winter holidays approach, I want you to know something essential to what may be going on in your life right now. In this moment, whatever you're experiencing or feeling right now is quite okay, and no permission is needed.
It’s Okay
Angry that everyone else seems happy? That's okay. Sad and can't stop crying? That's okay. Numb and disconnected? That's okay too. Grief doesn't follow a schedule, and it certainly doesn't pause for the holidays. In fact, these occasions often amplify our loss, making us feel the weight of who's missing even more profoundly.
You Don't Have to Carry This Alone
One truth that our culture often forgets to tell us is that no one has to walk through this experience alone unless they choose to. There's no medal for suffering in silence. Grief counselors, support groups, therapists, and compassionate friends exist precisely for moments like these. Reaching out isn't weakness; it's wisdom. It's recognizing that healing happens in connection, that our wounds need witnesses, and that sometimes the bravest thing we can do is simply say, "I'm not okay, and I need help right now. Can you please help me through this?"
And yes, if solitude resonates better with you and your situation, do it. Give yourself permission to skip the party, to turn down the invitation, to spend the day in your pajamas remembering your loved one in whatever way feels right. There's no rulebook that says you must show up and pretend everything is fine when your world has fundamentally changed by your loss.
Living Like We're Dying....Because We Are
Loss has a way of teaching us something uncomfortable but true; life isn't infinite. None of us knows how many holidays we have left, how many more sunrises we'll witness, how many more chances we'll get to tell someone we love them. Your loved one's absence is a painful reminder that every day is borrowed time, that tomorrow is never guaranteed.
This isn't meant to add pressure; it's meant to bring perspective. While you're grieving, you're also still here, still breathing, still capable of moments of beauty and meaning. Your loved one would want you to live, not just exist. To honor their memory by embracing the life you still have, even as you carry the weight of their absence.
Five Ways to Navigating the Holidays After Loss:
1. Create a New Ritual of Remembrance
Light a candle in their honor, prepare their favorite dish, play their favorite songs, or simply make a toast in their memory. Acknowledging their absence can feel better than pretending everything is normal. Make space for their memory in your celebration.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Say No
You don't owe anyone your presence at their holiday gathering. If attending feels like too much, decline gracefully. Your mental health matters more than maintaining appearances or meeting others' expectations.
3. Volunteer or Help Others
Sometimes shifting focus from our own pain to helping someone else can provide relief. Serve at a soup kitchen, donate to a cause your loved one cared about, or simply check in on someone else who might be struggling.
4. Connect with Fellow Grievers
Join a grief support group, online community, or bereavement service. Being around people who understand, who won't minimize your pain or rush you through it, can be profoundly healing.
5. Plan Something Different
If traditional celebrations feel unbearable, change them. Travel somewhere new, start a completely different tradition, or treat the day like any other. There's no requirement to celebrate the way you always have.
Your Grief Matters
As you navigate this season, please remember your grief is a testament to your love. The depth of your pain reflects the depth of your connection. Don't let anyone rush you, shame you, or tell you how you should feel.
You're walking one of life's most difficult paths, and you're doing it with courage simply by continuing to show up each day. Be gentle with yourself. Seek help when you need it. And know that even in the darkest moments, though you may feel alone, you're not alone, and you never have to be unless you want to. The choice is always yours, and no matter what you decide to do, know that it is okay too.
If you're struggling and need immediate support:
Crisis and mental health support
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 anytime for free, confidential support from a crisis counselor.
Crisis Text Line: Text CONNECT (for English) or AYUDA (for Spanish) to 741741 to connect with a live volunteer crisis counselor 24/7.
Grief support
GriefShare: Find a local support group at griefshare.org
TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors): Offers 24/7 support for those grieving the loss of a loved one. Call 1-800-959-TAPS (8277) or visit their website for resources. https://www.taps.org/
NAMI Helpline (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
Phone: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)
Text: 62640
Monday-Friday, 10am-10pm ET
Free mental health support and local resource referrals
You don't have to face this alone. ❤️